(late birthday’s present for Sir Paul)
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me, even if I want to…I wonder if there is an auction, so I can buy them…
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Character death, AU, OOC
Pairing: John/Paul
Status: Completed
Author: hell_princessXXs
I tried, you know. I have tried to forget that you exist. No, actually, I have tried to forget that you died. That you have left me, long times ago. You left me. You left me. You left me here alone. Didn’t you promise me, you would take me wherever you go? Why did you break your promise? Why? You left me. You left me. You left me, with nothing, except your love, the haunting memories, the tears, the songs, and a broken heart. Mine. Mine heart have broken. My soul longed for you. My body longed for the warmth, the familiar warmth that have left me. My lips longed for your kiss. My ears longed for your voice, your laughter. I longed for you, but you not here. You weren’t here anymore. You left me. You left me.
After forty years, I still couldn’t fathom that fact that you have left me, for her.
I was a fucking arrogant bastard, wasn’t I? I thought for certain that I have hold your heart, forever lock it in my hand. I thought for certain that our love will last, forever. I have thought like that, John. I thought for certain that I have had you as mine, as I was yours, for eternity.
Apparently, I was wrong. I was fucking wrong.
You were free, John. A wild spirit. You were a bird, belong to the sky. I, myself, couldn’t hold on you forever. You must be free, free as a bird. Your place was up, high up in the sky. You belong there. Yes, you did belong to me. You was belong to me. I must let you go, someday. I knew it. I felt it. You were wild. You were free. And I’m not. Just that, I never imagined, I would lost you like that. I lost you, easily, into her hands.
She caught my guard down, you know. And, in a blink of eyes, POOF, you belong to her.
Hey, nothing is meant to be forever, right? I was a greedy bastard. I want you for myself until the day we die. I did. I want you, just for myself. I didn’t want to share you with George, with Ringo, or with anyone. I want you to belong to just me. Just me. I want just Lennon/McCartney, just John and Paul, not the Beatles. I love George, Ringo and the band, really, but I want you most, Johnny. I desired you. You were everything I wanted to be – witty, smart, humorous. Me, I was just a cute boy, try to tag along and made a friendly image. I was nothing like you. I did try you know, to be like you. I knew I never will be, but I try. I try, so I can get closer to you. I did get closer to you, we did love, did become one, but then, I still lose you.
You left me. You left me.
Forty years, I still cursed that day. I cursed the fact that that bastard didn’t make a mistake. That if he did make a mistake, maybe you would live. That maybe if he shot Yoko instead, you would live. You would live, and be here with me. I would have you close to me, feel your warmth, hear your voice, you laughter. If you live, I could hold you close, giving you comfort. But that idiot didn’t make a mistake. He reached what he aimed for – killed you.
What he didn’t know, that on that day, I killed a part of me too. Instead of killing just one, he killed two. He killed John, and Paul. He killed half of my soul. And you, bastard, you broke my heart.
Fucking bastard. You left me. I hate you. And I love you more.
Love you. Love you. Love you…
Sleepy. I’m sixty-eight now, John. Say "Happy Birthday" to me. Yeah, "Happy Birthday" indeed. I’m sitting here, midnight, drinking and thinking about you.
No matter what, I can still feel you, hear you. Hey, I can see your smile too!
Hey John, say "Happy Birthday" to me…
Captain Apollo 
Leave a comment