Monthly Archives: May 2011

Everybody Lies

Humanity is overrated.

People believe in kindness, sympathy, compassionate and all that shit. I don’t. Love does exist, but it’s just an illusion, like equality. Love is something people tell each others to get laid and then get hurt by it. It’s a lie. Everybody lies, House said.

There are two kinds of people in the world – the kind that hate you behind your back and the kind that hate you in your face.

Trust and love doesn’t exist. People work for themselves. Isn’t now it’s all about individuality? Human are selfish, get over that fact. Ayn Rand portrayed it excellently in her book. It’s human nature to put themselves above others. What is kindness? What is sympathy? People could say they would help the poor or the homeless, but in truth, would they do that? The society is so fucked up that we can’t act like who we really are, but put on this mask, pretending to be someone we now, pretending to be this standard person. Even if we would never be that person, and never will.

Humanity is just a load of crap, an excuses made up by dunderheads.

There is no such things as “free.” Charity still costs something. When people help you, they don’t do it out of kindness, but rather the feeling of you owning them and you have to pay back. Equivalent Exchange. There is no love, no sympathy. Beside, if everyone is selfish, then the world would be a much better place. No false pretend of being understanding, of being a “good” person. Certainly, Scarlett O’Hara was never one.

I don’t believe in humanity. I don’t have faith. I believe in a bleak future, of death.

What Kind of Fool

I’m bored.

The devil.

Got into a fucking fight with my dad about the bloody honor roll. My conscience somehow still managed to stay alive after all the time I try to kill it. The nerve, treating me like a piece of shit. I know I shouldn’t have give him the fucking piece of shit, but then, I still did anyway. Does it matter now? It blow and over. Mom is coming, and I need to come up with a plan to avoid it. Complete waste of time. Maybe I could convince Lisa to go as me. Or I could fake sick. Or I could just hide.

But I’m really really really bored right now. I’m sleepy and bored and when I’m sleepy I can’t watch House because I don’t like watching things when I’m sleepy and I hate reading thing when I’m sleepy too.

Maybe I should just go and read Rand. Or maybe Death in Venice. I have been opted to read that for a very very very long time.

The thing is, I never did.

Why I’m so against honor roll anyway?

Because in a school like mine, it’s too easy to get to the top. I wonder if I’m that smart at all. I know I’m not, but it doesn’t assure me one bit. I’m being throw off balance. I don’t know my real place or my real ranking is, and it’s scare me, because this bloody things doesn’t prepare me for anything at all, aside from “come-up-with-a-plan-to-avoid-boring-ceremony” and it’s not even that useful. And you don’t do honor bloody roll during school time, and the week before the exam! The school maybe overflow with dunderheads but there still are students who actually want to study. Again, they don’t care. We’re like sane people in a psychic ward. If you get what I mean.

Last time, I have to bring my Paul McCartney bio with me to survive the torture. I’m afraid I will cut someone this time.

And I have to sit with the freshmen. Fucking great.

The famous last word: FUCK YOU ALL!

Protected: Love of the Loveless

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Multiple fandoms: Pretty boy

Title: Pretty Boy
Author: hell_princessXXs (MeMy Mo)
Summary: Pretty boy
Pairing: House/Chase, John/Paul, Brian/Justin, Blaine/Kurt
Rating: PG-15 (someone has very dirty thought)
Disclaimer: This is my dream. I certainly don’t own them in real life. If I do, no one will ever look at them the same again.

Pretty boy
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At lost

I know that I’m lucky. Luckier than you, than Jerk, and than most of the people at our school. At least, I’ve got a happy family, with parents that love me. I don’t have to worry about fights, about divorces, and many different things. Sometimes I wish to worry about that. It’s stupid, I know, like a normal person wishing they have HIV. But I know, they all come from one place – caring. Because we care, because I care.

There are times, numerous of times, when I wish I’m not at lost.

There times I would look at you for so long, look at you just standing there, your face tired and your posture slouch. Your whole being scream “hurt” and “pain” and all I want to do it’s to hug you. Then, I stop myself, because I wonder if you even need me to hug you. You seem so confidence, I feel like I’m being swallow whole just standing next to you. It scares me, and then I get used to it, get over it, and then it comes back, and haunts me again. Lost. I don’t know what to do.

There are times I would look into your eyes, searching for something, searching for an answer, for you. I would look and wish you would open up, talk to me, and then I realize that you never could, because in the beginning, I’m now someone for you to share. Just a moment, I wish I was. But then, it isn’t my place. It’s someone else.

There are times when we text, you sound distance and tired. I keep asking if you’re okay and you always reply that you’re fine. I would stare at the phone for so long, waiting for a truthful answer, waiting and hoping that you would tell me what’s wrong, wishing that I could know. When you tell me bits, you listen to you. Yet, all I could muster out it’s “It’s going to be alright” and some shit like that, because I don’t know. I don’t know what is feel like to be you, to be in situation like you. Even when I told you or someone else “I know” or “I understand that” I’m lying through my teeth because my dead conscience doesn’t allow me to tell you that “I’m sorry, I don’t know, because I’m not living a life like you.” It hurts and aches because I realized no matter how many times I said I understand, I would never do. I’m just a liar in many liars. I search carefully for what to say, just to come to a discovery that I don’t really know what to say to begin with, because I don’t know what is feel like to be like you.

There are times, I wish I could be closer to you. That I could meet you earlier. That I would stop shutting myself out and be there for you. But it’s just wish, and I keep wishing that I’m not at a lost like right now, that I could actually help you. I hate myself for being a horrible person. Then, I know it’s the only way I could deal with everything, shutting out my emotion. I hate myself for couldn’t help you with anything, even when I know I can’t possibly do that, because I just don’t understand.

I wish I could understand.

And then I hate myself for wishing that.

I’m at lost.

Protected: Things I will never say (to your face)

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My French Paper

I have to write a fucking 150 words essay in French. In French. I don’t think I even know 150 words in French, not to mention the fact that I have somehow piece them together to produce a sentence. Most of my writing are rambling sentences that somehow always, always ended with “J’aime…” I want to kill myself. Not to mention, four more questions for Julius Caesar, the very first book that I hate all the character (seriously, Caesar is an egoistic bastard, Brutus is too trusting and naive, it’s a wonder he still alive, Mark Antony, aside from the fact that Marlon Brando played him, there is nothing that make me want to like him. I want to snap at Portia and kill every single characters in the book. It’s suck, and not in a positive, life-affirming way). This is what I produce after like 2 hours using both Google translate and a dictionary. Brief, and don’t have everything I want to say, but my French teacher happened to be a Muslim, and I don’t think she would appreciate the fact that I wrote about a gay character like my English teacher would.

And here you go, the shit:

JUSTIN TAYLOR

Il est mon inspiration.

“Je suis l’homme que je veux être. Je suis le seul homme que je puisse être.”

Son nom est Justin Taylor. Son surnom est Sunshine parce que son sourire est lumineux comme le soleil, tellement que ca illumines une chambre. Avec son regard aux yeux bleus, couleur d’un ciel par beau temps, et ses cheveux blonds comme un champ de blé dore, il a l’air d’être fragile. Mais en realite, il n’est pas aussi faible qu’on le croit. Mais Justin n’est qu’un adolescent, comme nous tous. Toute sa vie, les gens se sont moques de lui. Mais il a toujours garde sa tête haute, une demarche solide, et fait face au monde entier. Justin est mon inspiration dans la vie, si nous voulons quelque chose des tres fort, nous devons tout sacrifier pour l’avoir.

Believe, I don’t even know what the fuck did I write.

Queer As Folk: No apologies, no regrets

In 2000, there was nothing.

Sure, there were Will & Grace that feature gay people as main character, but nothing, nothing like Queer As Folk. It portrayed gays as sexually active human being, went deep into many topics that may some may even comes off as disturbing – safe sex, anti-bullying, drug use, gay marriage, HIV/AIDS, political movement, gay bashing, etc. At the time, there wasn’t anything like Queer As Folk on TV. It was certainly trouble, something so daring, so unapologetic, something that so real in many ways.

And that’s when it happened. When he came along…

Look back now, the world is different than it was eleven years ago. It certainly changed a lots. Now, it’s not so hard to find gays character, not as a one pun-liner or just decoration (although it might be the case with Gossip Girl and 90210), be portrayed on TV. Look around you. Many hit TV shows feature gays character, some even developed major plot line – Kurt Hummel, Glee, Ian Gallagher, Shameless, Marshall Gregson, United States of Tara, Kevin Walker and Scotty Wandell, Brothers & Sisters, etc. How? Why? Well, certainly thanks to someone. It was perhaps Queer As Folk that paved the way for them to be here.

Queer As Folk, while being criticized because of its overflow storyline that concentrate on sex (but again, I mean, who could resist a naked Brian Kinney/Gale Harold or Justin Taylor/Randy Harrison. Beside, it’s part of life, of being human. Of course they have sex. What else are they going to do in their free time? Turn on TV and watch Glee together? Too bad, there wasn’t any Glee. If straight people can fuck like rabbits, so could gays. Get over it), is a ground-breaking show. It was more than that. It was about love, about fighting for something you believe in, about being who you are, about the world. You could have Glee or Modern Family or Shameless now, but there would never again something like Queer As Folk. Never again, someone like Brian Kinney or Justin Taylor will grace the TV screen (unless you play Queer As Folk rerun, that is totally different).

What drawn people to Queer As Folk is it bold portrayal of gay lives, in a way, brutally honest and passionate. Yes, people may object the relationship between Brian and Justin, but then, they aren’t that far apart. All in all, love prevail. Not to mention, the bullying portrayed on Queer As Folk, is part of what have and is happening now. While I love the bullying arc on Glee, Queer As Folk push it onto another level. Kurt just being slammed into locker, thrown into dumpster, slushies, threaten to be kill and kiss-rape. Justin, on the other hand, get into fights, locker being burned and vandalized, kick out of the house and get bashed on the head. Yes, Kurt is strong. They could do anything to him and he would still strutted like he is a model on the catwalk of Milan. With Justin, everything is different. He stood up to his homophobic teacher, telling him to “fuck off,” he started the GSA at his school, he stood up against his father, politically involved and willing to sacrifice anything for something believe in. The most beautiful scene in the whole series is when Brian and Justin danced at his prom. It was pure love, affectionate and so beautiful. Yet, what happened after it was a nightmare. It brutal. It liked saying that love is love, is beautiful, but there are people can’t accept and see the beauty. And it’s the truth. Yet, even when he couldn’t use his right hand, Justin did draw again. He want to prove, that in the end, he still wind.

If you want to hit me, go right ahead. Only I’m not going to cry like some little faggots. And if you want to send me away, that’s OK too, because I bet there are more butt-fuckings going on in boarding school than in the backroom of Babylon. But whatever you do, it’s not gonna matter, because I would still be your queer son.

No apologies, no regrets.

Queer As Folk is like a “In your face” statement. “We’re here. We’re queer.” Never again, would the audience witness a love like one between Brian and Justin. Never again, would there be a cool mom like Debbie. Never again, would something stirs up so much troubles and controversy. While Glee is doing alright on its own, there are still different. There is no denying in the fact that both have major impact, especially Glee because its main audience is teenagers, and Glee in a way is shaping them, to developed a new mind (and of course, Glee is in fact the gayest show on television. ‘Nuff said), and that both are life changing TV shows, Glee is a world that we dream of (of course, there is still the bullying, but, you know), of acceptance and love. Queer As Folk is the world as it is, unapologetic.

People can hate it and criticized it, but it’s not going to matter. Because they were here. They paved the way for others to grown. They open a whole new possibilities, a whole new world. I could even go as far as saying that the chemistry, the love between Brian and Justin could rival Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler. The show could end, but its still goes on, like the thumpa-thumpa of Babylon. It will never end because…

You will always be young and beautiful.

Love it, hate it. It’s not going away. It was the first show that count, and it will be the last to go. Enjoy Glee. Love Brothers & Sisters. Adore United States of Tara, but without Queer As Folk, these shows might not even exist. I understand that the impact of Glee is great, and as a Gleek, I applauded it. Still, Queer As Folk have done so much, and it deserves praise, not scorns and hatred just because of it sexual content. It doesn’t matter. What matter it’s that in many ways, Queer As Folk was the first show to have a gay teenager that sexually active, politically involved like Justin Taylor, that he even willing to sacrifice everything, making poster to bring down some homophobic prick like Stockwell. The first show that have no definition about “fade to black” when it comes to sex scenes. The first show that was there.

In 2000, there was nothing.

In 2000, there was Queer As Folk.

In 2011, there are Glee, United States of Tara, Happy Ending, Brothers and Sisters, 90210, Shameless, Game of Thrones, Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, etc.

So the thumpa, thumpa continues. It always will. No matter what happens, no matter who’s president. As our lady of disco, the divine Miss Gloria Gaynor, has always sung to us: we will survive.

P.S: I believe in the theory that Kurt Hummel is like a mini Emmett Honeycutt, just like Chris Colfer is a mini Peter Paige. They look alike so much. And Sam needs to stop stealing the hairstyle from Sunshine. It’s not cool, Trouty Mouth. And stop standing on furniture, Blaine. People are comparing Britin to Klaine, and Brian does not appreciate being compare to a midget who randomly stand on furniture.

[Something]

I enter new post without even thinking. I mean, it’s not like I don’t want to write, it’s that I don’t know what to write. My thought process lots faster than my own writing. When I’m ready, it’s already gone, and there is no way to take it back. Just like every tears, every pain, everything.

I know I’m selfish. Maybe that’s why I understand Ayn Rand so much. I understand what Equality said, because to me, that’s the truth. That’s how I live, that’s how I feel. I am, the God of my own life, and there is no other way. Everyone keep saying how arrogant it is, how egoistic Equality is, but I worship him, in a way. We are selfish. Human are selfish, because that selfishness enables us to survive in this world. That ego, that “I” make us survive. Because we know in truth each of us are alone, we were able to survive. Because there is no society, without individuals.

And in the wise words of Miss Gloria Gaynor: “I am what I am, I am my own, special creation…I am what I am, and what I am need no excuses.”

It’s fitting that I study Anthem while watching Queer As Folk. In so many way, I could identify Equality with Brian Kinney (but for all the world, except the golden hair + the related nickname, I couldn’t imagine Justin in a role like Liberty 5-3000. It’s just wrong, plain wrong, and if anyone say otherwise, he or she is the enemy of the world and public. It’s just so…wrong). They are the same on many aspect. Selfish, of course. Smart, duh. Handsome, I could say. Not to mention, their philosophy are the same. That’s why, when I have to write my essay for Anthem, I try to drag in as much examples from Brian Kinney as possible.

Or even Justin Taylor. I love his saying: “I am the only man that I can be. I am the man that I want to be.”

So true.

I know from the very beginning I’m different from most of people at my school. My sense of individual is much stronger, because when you have been thrown in a world where everyone expected you to act like them so you could be cool, and you don’t want to be like them, the only thing you can hold on is your individuality. If you have it, flaunt it. I don’t give a damn what they think about me. This is who I am. I don’t need people to accept me, because people don’t need me to accept them. Like Brian said before: “Who gives a fuck what you think, you’re lucky to have me.”

I am the best thing that ever happen to myself.

I am selfish. I am egoistic. Pride, is sin. Then, like Justin, I am going to hell. But I don’t care, because I will survive. I don’t care if you hate me or love me, the fact that I love myself is enough.

Queer As Folk: The Art of Glee – Prologue

Title: The Art of Glee – Prologue
Author: hell_princessXXs (MeMy Mo)
Rating: PG-15 (someone foul mouth) for now
Note: Crossover between Glee and Queer as Folk – post 5.13 and episode 2.18. AU
Summary: “…It’s the address of Burt Hummel. You know, my aunt’s husband?”
Disclaimer: All the characters belong respectively to Fox, Glee, Ryan Murphy, Cowlip, Showtime and Queer as Folk.

The Art of Glee – Prologue

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